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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Breaking via Reddit:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Live now on Telegram:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Seen just now on X:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Just shared via Threads:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I've found my spirit animal in a T-Rex with a buffet obsession! 🍕🦖😄

addicted, addiction, day, eating, food, food habit, habit, humor, meal, reptile

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

0

6 months ago

breakfast, clothes, clothing, cold, cold food, eating, food, humor, laziness, morning, morning routine, ravioli, routine, still
The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

0

2 months ago

current, education, future, happiness, humor, irony, order, PhD, sacrifice, someone, struggle, student
So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

0

2 months ago

air, care, ceiling, ceiling fan, fan, hands, hazard, humor, irony, just, song, songs, tell, throw
When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

0

2 months ago

commitment, expectations, harbor, humor, i, know, marriage, relationship, surprise, turned, warship
Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

0

2 months ago

better, expectations, humor, i, laziness, motivation, optimism, procrastination, reality, self-improvement, yes
Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

0

2 months ago

activity, Christmas, couple, day, decorating, fun, fun activity, holiday, house, humor, re-decorating, spent, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Messenger this month:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

67 shares on Discord this month:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

61 shares on X this month:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Going viral on YouTube:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Going viral on Facebook:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Live now on Messenger:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Spotted on TikTok:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

In these difficult times, it’s important to remember that cheese exists.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨