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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,375

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Live now on TikTok:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Making waves on X:

I hope this email kills us both.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Making waves on Slack:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Going viral on Slack:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Shared recently on Discord:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Adult friendships be like: "Our plans are as flexible as a yoga instructor on a hot day" 💁‍♀️⏰😂 #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"

adult, adult friendship, commitment, friendship, girl, hangout, humor, jokes, keep, life, procrastination, rescheduling, social, social life, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

0

2 months ago

confidence, day, flirting, hot, humor, i, me, nice, self-esteem
Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

0

2 months ago

careful, confrontation, danger, draw, fast, friend, humor, i, just, sarcasm, Shakira, threat, weapon, word
I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

0

5 months ago

alone, days, else, everyone, getaway, house, humor, i, kind, myself, need, relaxation, solitude, vacation, where
Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

0

2 months ago

context, humor, live, living, me, neighbor, neighbors, next, rude
Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

0

2 months ago

break, die, humor, jealousy, just, phone, rest, technology
Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

0

2 months ago

bias, big, cognitive, cognitive bias, deal, everywhere, guys, humor, humor about bias, i, joke, observation, psychology, recency, recency bias, seeing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

54 shares on X this month:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

If bugs could talk, they would probably say things like, “What the bug?”

88 shares on WeChat this month:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Going viral on Discord:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Spotted on Slack:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Just shared via YouTube:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Making waves on Snapchat:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Freshly posted on X:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Jealous that my phone can just die for a little while.

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨