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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Breaking via Discord:

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

Spotted on Discord:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Breaking via X:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Breaking via YouTube:

Lounging under the stars is top-tier therapy.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

By accepting their pardons, the turkeys are admitting guilt.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Just shared via TikTok:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're the family's limited edition collectible: rare, valuable, and a little bit mischievous! 🐑⭐️😎

am, black, black sheep, exactly, family, gold, gold star, humor, i, identity, personality, sheep, star, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

0

3 months ago

dating, dream, dream girl, forever, girl, heartbreak, humor, love, man, men, perspective, relationship, ruin
Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

0

2 months ago

believe, experience, heartbreak, honor, hurt, i, irony, love, me, people, relationship, sarcasm, sometimes
Getting road rage alone in my house.

0

5 days ago

alone, anger, anger management, driving, frustration, getting, house, humor, management, rage, road, road rage
Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

0

2 months ago

dating, found, humor, maybe, reason, romance, sarcasm, soul, soulmate, wit
I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

0

2 months ago

activity, democracy, fun, fun activity, humor, kid, kids, money, movie, parenting, pizza, vote
I have the bruises of a much more active person.

0

2 months ago

active, bruises, fitness, humor, i, irony, much, person

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Discord this month:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

82 shares on Discord this month:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for how I acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Broadcasted on Threads:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Shared recently on Slack:

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Spotted on X:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Shared recently on Facebook:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Breaking via YouTube:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Going bananas on YouTube:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Spotted on WeChat:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Getting road rage alone in my house.

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨