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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

Trending via Facebook:

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Just landed via Slack:

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like you're the family's limited edition collectible: rare, valuable, and a little bit mischievous! 🐑⭐️😎

am, black, black sheep, exactly, family, gold, gold star, humor, i, identity, personality, sheep, star, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

0

5 months ago

coffee, drink, humor, hydration, i, iced, iced coffee, love, myself, self-care, wellness
I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

0

2 months ago

figure, figure out, humor, i, just, list, procrastination, responsibility, tasks, to-do, to-do list
Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

0

2 months ago

ball, ball park, before, context, estimate, give, humor, invention, much, park, pretty, rough, someone, sports
When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

0

2 months ago

computer, fix, generation, humor, i, kids, knows, older, only, parents, technology, work, young, youth
You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

0

2 months ago

argue, communication, fast, female, humor, relationship, reply
I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

0

2 months ago

Bigfoot, hiding, human, humans, humor, i, nature, right, solitude, stay, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Discord this month:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Shared recently on Slack:

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

Going viral on Messenger:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Broadcasted on X:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Spotted on Threads:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Trending via Threads:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Just landed via Slack:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Live now on Threads:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨