And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

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My favorite thing to do is nothing.

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Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

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Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

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If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

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Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

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Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

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The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.