Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Just shared via Reddit:

Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

Broadcasted on Slack:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Spotted on Facebook:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Live now on Threads:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Live now on Threads:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Master of Disappearing Acts: Now you see me, now I'm awkwardly missing you while pretending to be busy! 🤹‍♂️✨😅

emotional, expression, farewell, feeling, going, humor, love, million, miss, missing, next, trick, unspoken, unspoken feeling, ways

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

0

3 months ago

able, being, form, humor, own, self-acceptance, sound, tolerance, tolerate, video, voice
I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

0

2 months ago

always, communication, honesty, humor, i, intention, loud, mean, out loud, say
Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

0

2 months ago

activity, extrovert, hanging, hanging out, heartbreak, hours, introvert, isolation, punishment, sentence, social, social activity
I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

0

2 months ago

compensation, deserve, ever, humor, i, me, pay, percentage, stole, swag, theft
Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

0

1 month ago

ambition, ask, audacity, big, boldness, cheat, cheat code, code, level, life, major, request, thing, universe
I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

0

2 months ago

attempt, awkwardness, comedy, even, failure, Funny, humor, humor attempt, i, joke, joke failure, meeting, nobody, online, online meeting, social, social awkwardness, today, told, workplace, Zoom, Zoom meeting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Threads this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

67 shares on Telegram this month:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

100 shares on X this month:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

It’s a good friend who, when you want the truth, knows what truth you want.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

Just shared via Twitch:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Trending via YouTube:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Live now on Facebook:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Making waves on Slack:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Breaking via Threads:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Shared recently on Discord:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨