Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

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The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

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“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

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I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.