Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Breaking via Snapchat:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Just landed via Instagram:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Spreading quickly via X:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Going viral on Discord:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Going viral on WeChat:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Just landed via YouTube:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm in for a long wait at the deutsche telekom, hoping the call doesn't end with a "Nein!" 📞😅 #LostInTranslation

asked, cultural, dating, digits, German, girl, humor, i, joke, language, number, pun, rest, still, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, better, comparison, confidence, else, everyone, humor, humor quote, joy, sarcasm, self-esteem, thief, well
Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

0

2 months ago

food, humor, joke, light, lunch, nature, plant, plants, wit
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

0

2 months ago

activity, arm, cost, dolphin, expense, expensive, fun, fun activity, humor, leg, me, shark, should, swimming, think, try
There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

0

2 months ago

arrangement, best, dog, dogs, family, five, friend, friends, humor, lifestyle, literally, living, living arrangement, mansion, marriage, married, normalize, rule, start, ten
No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

0

2 months ago

chasing, confidence, dream, dreams, humor, i, know, lazy, longer, me, nap, relaxation, self-care, want, where
I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

0

2 months ago

before, bit, day, i, me, mess, mess up, morning, mornings, quiet, romance, slow, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

51 shares on Threads this month:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

27 shares on Threads this month:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

88 shares on Slack this month:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

43 shares on Discord this month:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

59 shares on X this month:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Spotted on Threads:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Spotted on Slack:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Going bananas on Slack:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Just landed via Slack:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Seen just now on Telegram:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Making waves on TikTok:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨