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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Just landed via WeChat:

My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Spotted on Reddit:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Trending via Threads:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

Humorous quote about outdated stereotypes, featuring witty remarks on age and autism.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the age-old wisdom of hardware store gurus, capable of fixing anything from leaky faucets to outdated misconceptions! 🛠️👴🤔 #AutismAwareness #LearningFromTheBest

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

34 shares on X this month:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,293

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Kids today have it much easier. When I was growing up and something bad happened, we had to go outside and spread our misinformation in person.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Shared recently on X:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Spotted on X:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Making waves on Instagram:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Just landed via TikTok:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Just landed via TikTok:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Broadcasted on Discord:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Trending via Discord:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Making waves on YouTube:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

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