Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I’m only dead on the outside.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Going viral on YouTube:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Spotted on X:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Just landed via Twitch:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Going bananas on Instagram:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Spotted on X:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Going viral on Messenger:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I'd probably end up hugging that gold bar and whispering, "It's not you, it's my bank account." 😂💰🤗

bank, bar, feel, feel poor, finance, gold, gold bar, humor, money, poor, should, touch, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

0

2 months ago

attraction, before, cannibalism, funny observation, glimpse, hot, humor, intimacy, kiss, kissing, love, moment, moments, observation, people, romance, seeing
Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

0

2 months ago

bro, entertainment, got, humor, internet, just, phone, play, Pornhub, technology, video, virus, warning
Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

0

2 months ago

columns, confusion, data, difference, frustration, geek, geek humor, hate, humor, i, man, math, me, much, nothing, office, office humor, rows, tables
I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

0

2 months ago

change, divorce, getting, humor, i, life, life change, problems, relationship, solution
When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

0

2 months ago

catching, clumsiness, competition, dropping, event, humor, me, Olympics, phone, shine, sport
If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedroom, boundary, call, clean, clean room, daddy, doing, funny response, humor, i, me, partner, partner teasing, playful, relationship, response, room, stop, teasing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

May the algorithms be with you.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Avocado is just green butter.

Making waves on Messenger:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨