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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Shared recently on Threads:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Just shared via YouTube:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Just shared via TikTok:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Just landed via Facebook:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Live now on WhatsApp:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh sure, my wallet needs more punishment for running out of cash! 😂💸

bank, being, broke, charge, fee, finance, going, humor, irony, money

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

0

5 months ago

car, cool, got, happen, heated, hell, seats, summer, technology, where
I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

0

2 months ago

accountability, actions, always, around, blame, else, humor, i, loneliness, responsibility, self-awareness, take
Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

0

2 months ago

beach, beautiful, forever, frustration, here, humor, just, lay, nature, sand, sh, stupid, try
Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

0

2 months ago

bar, chugging, drink, funny situation, humor, interaction, joke, nothing, safety, saying, situation, social, social interaction, woman
Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

0

2 months ago

adult, adulting, appreciate, being, choices, headspace, humor, i, job, just, life, life choices, opportunity, position, responsibility, right, stepping, stepping down, thinking
I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

0

3 months ago

change, changes, control, electronics, everything, humor, i, joke, just, pun, remote, remote control, technology, universal, universal remote

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

54 shares on X this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Going viral on Threads:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Spotted on Slack:

Adults chasing the popularity they missed out on as teenagers are the worst.

Going viral on X:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m just trying to have a nice time despite knowing facts and information.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Going viral on X:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨