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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

24 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Breaking via Messenger:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Spotted on Reddit:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Freshly posted on X:

Half princess, half menace.

Making waves on Threads:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Spotted on X:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Making waves on Slack:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

6 months ago

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

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Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

24 minutes ago

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Live now on WhatsApp:

The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.

Just landed via Messenger:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

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