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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Going viral on Facebook:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

Trending via YouTube:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote comparing serial killers and comedians about fame and failure.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Telegram this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Using Twitter as a semi-vague posting journal for memory purposes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,436

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Seeing yourself on a FaceTime screenshot really humbles you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

White Lotus is a cautionary tale about taking time off from work.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Shared recently on Discord:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Trending via Facebook:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Shared recently on X:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Trending via Instagram:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Making waves on WeChat:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Making waves on Facebook:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

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