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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Shared recently on Threads:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Trending via Pinterest:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Just landed via Messenger:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Live now on Slack:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Going viral on WeChat:

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

Shared recently on Messenger:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

2 months ago

0

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

0

2 months ago

back, childlike, childlike wonder, five-year, five-year plan, goal, growth, happiness, joy, personal, personal growth, plan, whimsy, wonder
Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

0

2 months ago

busy, deleting, distraction, humor, lock, lock screen, phone, procrastination, screen, screenshot, too
I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

0

2 months ago

communication, dating, drunk, drunk text, humor, i, loneliness, relationship, single, text
And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

0

2 months ago

bonus, humor, joke, money, right, room, sarcasm, us, workplace, year-end
It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

0

3 months ago

body, candy, chip, chips, cookie, diet, essential, food, found, fuel, humor, important, nutrient, snack
All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

0

5 months ago

craving, crisp, crisps, diet, exercise, fitness, fitness goal, food, food craving, goal, goals, humor, motivation, reach, snack, temptation, unfortunately

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

31 shares on X this month:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

94 shares on Messenger this month:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

87 shares on Discord this month:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Being weird never goes out of style.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,789

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

The real anti-aging regimen is retaining your childlike wonder and whimsy.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Maybe the elephant doesn’t want to be addressed, and we should respect their boundaries.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

The web is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Trending via Facebook:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Live now on Slack:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Trending via Threads:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Making waves on TikTok:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Just shared via YouTube:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

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