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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs — empty and deeply wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Just landed via Pinterest:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Just shared via Slack:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Live now on Discord:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Spotted on Discord:

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

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Commentary:
"Spilled my drink? 'But it's summer! 😅🍹' Lost an argument? 'But it's summer! 🤷‍♂️☀️' Tripped over my own feet? You guessed it… 'But it's summer! 🕶️👟'"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

25 shares on Slack this month:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

60 shares on Threads this month:

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going viral on Threads:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Seen just now on Discord:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Trending via Instagram:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Spotted on Threads:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Spotted on Discord:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Seen just now on Discord:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Trending via TikTok:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

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