Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

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The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

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Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

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Your opinions are not my business.

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When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

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Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

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Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

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You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.