Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

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“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

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The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

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Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

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Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

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People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

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I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

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If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.