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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Trending via X:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Making waves on Telegram:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Breaking via Discord:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Going viral on Telegram:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

0
Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.
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Commentary:
"Looks like another case of keys playing hide and seek 🗝️🤔 Don't worry, they're probably just out exploring the world without you! 🌎 Maybe try bribing them with some chocolate or a catchy tune to lure them back. Good luck on your quest to find the elusive keys! 🕵️‍♂️🔍"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

49 shares on X this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

48 shares on Slack this month:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Working out consistently yields results, but mannnnnnn…… the laundry.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,715

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Going viral on Slack:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Breaking via Twitch:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Just landed via Instagram:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Going bananas on YouTube:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Making waves on Discord:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Breaking via TikTok:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Just shared via Reddit:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Live now on Snapchat:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

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