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Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

We just accepted air fryers and never once questioned how air fries things.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

The state of my house can best be described as “there seems to have been a struggle”.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean that it ain’t gonna be a hell of a lot of fun.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Making waves on Reddit:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Live now on WeChat:

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Live now on Snapchat:

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

Just landed via X:

Just landed via Twitch:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Trending via WeChat:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Going bananas on Discord:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about prioritizing pizza and early bedtimes for humor and relatability.

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Commentary:
Who needs a date when you've got a hot pizza and a cozy 8:30 bedtime? 🍕😴❤️

bed, bedtime, canceling, canceling date, cancelling, care, date, early, early night, humor, i, night, order, pizza, relaxation, self, self-care

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15 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

96 shares on Slack this month:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

35 shares on X this month:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Most attractive muscle on a man? The frontal lobe. Fully developed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The feminine urge to act clueless while knowing everything.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My love language is being sent money.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Going viral on X:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Shared recently on Discord:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

Just shared via Facebook:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Trending via Pinterest:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Just shared via WeChat:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

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Activity Log ✨

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨