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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,248

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Making waves on Telegram:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Live now on Reddit:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Seen just now on Slack:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Just landed via Instagram:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Spotted on Threads:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Date night idea: fight another couple.

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Date night idea: fight another couple.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looking for a more exciting date night? How about spicing things up by challenging another couple to a friendly battle of wits and charm? 👫💥 Just make sure to agree on rules beforehand, or you might end up with a date night you'll never forget…for all the wrong reasons! 😉 #DoubleTrouble"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Slack this month:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

98 shares on Threads this month:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

41 shares on Discord this month:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am single, please disturb me!

51 shares on Twitch this month:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Who you are when you’re stuck behind a slow driver is the real you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,289

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Making waves on X:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Going viral on Slack:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Shared recently on Threads:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Spotted on YouTube:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

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