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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Trending via YouTube:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Just shared via TikTok:

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

Just shared via Facebook:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Spotted on Facebook:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I always knew Santa had a side gig as a life coach! 🎅🔧✨

beard, belief, Christmas, claus, December, everything, fat, fat man, fix, holiday, man, me, Santa, Santa Claus, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

2 months ago

away, block, boundary, going, house, humor, i, internet, me, own, people, phone, right, self-care, stress
The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

2 months ago

being, breakfast, cheesecake, dessert, excuse, food, humor, indulgence, morning, only, thing
If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

2 months ago

back, cutlery, face, humor, kitchen, know, reflection, self-image, someone, spoon, stare
Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

2 months ago

betrayal, betraying, destroying, humor, kitten, mommy, nothing, sarcasm, self-destruction
You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

2 months ago

attitude, cat, humor, independence, me, pet, rebellion, sarcasm, tell
If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

5 months ago

ambassador, boring, brand, humor, insult, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Fundamentally, I understand chess, because I too would never let my king feel unsafe.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Trending via TikTok:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Just shared via Slack:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Shared recently on Facebook:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Going viral on Slack:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Just shared via YouTube:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

If you stare at your face in the back of a spoon you look a lot like someone who doesn’t know how to use cutlery.

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨