Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,515

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Live now on Threads:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Just shared via Twitch:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Just landed via Reddit:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Going viral on Twitch:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Going viral on Reddit:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Spotted on WeChat:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Going viral on WeChat:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Breaking via Reddit:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Forest of Financial Surprises 🌳💸 Who knew shopping could be this adventurous?

ahead, change, dollar, Dollar Tree, humor, joke, just, name, need, price, prices, shopping, store, tree, unexpected, unexpected price

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

0

2 months ago

awful, commentary, difficult, difficult time, education, humor, intelligence, irony, person, social, social commentary, time
All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

0

2 weeks ago

1986, Christmas, holiday, holiday wish, i, mall, nostalgia, retro, shopping, want, wish
Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

0

2 months ago

behavior, dance, dancing, humor, others, reciprocity, social, social behavior, twerk
If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, buy, circus, humor, i, irony, joke, management, manager, monkey
Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal humor, comparison, duck, going, humor, just, party, penguin, wedding
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

0

2 months ago

family, funny situation, good, good people, humor, i, internet, last, night, people, situation, spent, time, time spent, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

71 shares on Threads this month:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Gonna mess with my husband by texting “send nudes” when he’s in a work meeting.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Just landed via Twitch:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Live now on Instagram:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Spotted on Snapchat:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Breaking via Slack:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Just shared via Facebook:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨