Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,860

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Live now on Instagram:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Just shared via X:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Spotted on Slack:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Going viral on Instagram:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Just shared via YouTube:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Going viral on Facebook:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Making sure to pencil in some "me-time" on my schedule today! 📅😏✨

forget, humor, motivation, optional, orgasm, partner, personal, personal well-being, pleasure, self-care, sexuality, today, well-being

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

0

1 month ago

humor, irony, new, new year, procrastinate, resolution, self-improvement, start, tomorrow, year
Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

0

1 month ago

animal, cat, cleaning, couch, hair, humor, humorously, i, judging, left, mess, pet, surprise
Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, expectations, girl, girl math, humor, irony, knife, math, need, simplicity, spoons
Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

0

1 month ago

after, death, dust, email, existential, humor, life, mortality, remember, reminder, return, send
My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

0

1 month ago

alcohol, drink, drugs, education, humor, kids, lecture, mix, mixing, parenting, proper, school, still, today, youngest
Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

0

3 months ago

Amazon, camera, camera tape, collection, data, data collection, Facebook, file, Google, information, life, over, personal, personal information, privacy, surveillance, tape, technology, while, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on TikTok this month:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

52 shares on Threads this month:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

89 shares on Facebook this month:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Seen just now on Threads:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Trending via Reddit:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Trending via Facebook:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨