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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I am thick and tired.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Making waves on Twitch:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Just shared via X:

The peace of not knowing.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Seen just now on Instagram:

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Just landed via WeChat:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Seen just now on Threads:

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Shared recently on Slack:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

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Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.
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Commentary:
"Don't fret, you're right on track in life! Just remember, it's all part of the grand plan of horrible choices 😅🤦‍♂️ #LifeGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

20 shares on Discord this month:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Trending via Threads:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I only drink when I people.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The future is buffering.

Spotted on Threads:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

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