Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

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Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

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There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

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I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

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I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

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Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

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Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

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When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

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I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

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Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

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Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?