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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,552

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Going viral on TikTok:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Trending via Reddit:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Just landed via Slack:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Handle spaghetti with care – you never know how many Nonnas out there are silently gasping! 🍝⚡😂 #FoodieFauxPas"

break, cooking, every, food, half, humor, italian, joke, noodles, spaghetti, stereotype, stroke, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

0

2 months ago

activity, fruit, fun, fun activity, humor, mess, pomegranate, worth
The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

0

2 months ago

cravings, cucumber, difference, food, horny, humor, hungry, innuendo, joke, sexuality, where
I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

0

2 months ago

driving, humor, i, overtaking, people, reason, road, sarcasm, speed, traffic, why
I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

0

2 months ago

activity, adventure, curiosity, dinosaurs, even, exploration, fun, fun activity, humor, i, jurassic, Jurassic Park, park, risk, say, seen, visit
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

0

2 months ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

0

2 months ago

emotion, human, learn, learning, proper, someday

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Breaking via X:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Making waves on Telegram:

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Making waves on Threads:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Making waves on Discord:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someday I’ll learn how to emotion like a proper human.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨