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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Spotted on WeChat:

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Making waves on Reddit:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

Going viral on WeChat:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Trending via Twitch:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

4 weeks ago

Playful quote about grocery store paranoia, with a humorous, defiant tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Relatable vibes: It's like we're part of a secret battle royale but for avocados and toilet paper 🥑🧻😄

enemy, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, store

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

40 shares on Discord this month:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

62 shares on Threads this month:

I’m surviving motherhood, one teenage meltdown at a time.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

85 shares on Threads this month:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Simplicity is so complicated.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Trying to work outside on a laptop is like sunbathing on a melting ice cube.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Trending via Instagram:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Just shared via Telegram:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Spotted on Instagram:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Just landed via Messenger:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Keep the laugh going 😂

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Women are able to leave the country unexpectedly at any time with the contents of their handbag.

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨