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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Spotted on YouTube:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Making waves on X:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Breaking via Reddit:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Going viral on Facebook:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Seen just now on Threads:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Relatable vibes: It's like we're part of a secret battle royale but for avocados and toilet paper 🥑🧻😄

enemy, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, store

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68 shares on WeChat this month:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

59 shares on X this month:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

15 shares on Threads this month:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Due to unforeskin circumcistances …

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Apple’s secret growth engine: vibe coders paying the $99 Apple Developer Program fee.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Going bananas on Threads:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Trending via Telegram:

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Breaking via WeChat:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Going bananas on X:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Just shared via X:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Maybe you should embark on a strange journey.

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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