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Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

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Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

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Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

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The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.

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Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

Making waves on Slack:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Going viral on Instagram:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Just landed via Twitch:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Just shared via YouTube:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Making waves on Slack:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

16 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about niche figure skating, highlighting surprise at Olympic-level talent unexpectedly appearing.

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Commentary:
When your casual skating practice comes with bonus Olympic gold, it's time to start charging admission! 🥇⛸️😆

figure, figure skating, humor, i, ice, ice rink, joke, medalist, niche, niche sport, Olympic, Olympic medalist, rink, skating, sometimes, sport, sport joke, walk

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19 shares on WeChat this month:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

62 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

59 shares on X this month:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being rich is going to look so cute on me.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

29 shares on Discord this month:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Not going is the new leaving early.

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Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Banks should have a gold bar that you can go in and touch when you feel poor.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Making waves on Snapchat:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

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Activity Log ✨

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

I’m sick of living through history!

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

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Activity Log ✨

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

I’m sick of living through history!

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

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