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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Dear wallet, please get pregnant.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Spotted on YouTube:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Going viral on Facebook:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Spotted on Twitch:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Spotted on Threads:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Just shared via Facebook:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about needing a divorce lawyer for a next trick. Playfully witty and humorous.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Forget magic wands, this trick could really disappear some assets! 🪄💼💸🤣"

divorce, divorce lawyer, humor, joke, lawyer, marriage, need, next, relationship, trick

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

6 days ago

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Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

1 week ago

friendship, humor, pinky, pinky promise, promise, still, trust
Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

2 weeks ago

humor, irony, Kanye, mean, name, personality, pretty, someone, yay
The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

3 weeks ago

cause, divorce, got, humor, i, joke, main, marriage, married, reason, relationship
It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

2 weeks ago

absurd, absurdity, AI, before, fast, fast food, food, fresh, fry, humor, innovation, keep, longer, pushing, silicon, Silicon Valley, technology, us, valley
I like you because we hate the same people.

2 weeks ago

bonding, common, common ground, friendship, ground, hate, humor, i, people, relationship, same

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Discord this month:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

55 shares on Slack this month:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

75 shares on Discord this month:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Going viral on Instagram:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Trending via YouTube:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Breaking via Discord:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People should come with warning labels.

Spotted on Discord:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

I like you because we hate the same people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨