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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,867

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Trending via Facebook:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Going bananas on WeChat:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Going viral on TikTok:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Just landed via Slack:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Seen just now on Messenger:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Just landed via Threads:

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Forget magic wands, this trick could really disappear some assets! 🪄💼💸🤣"

divorce, divorce lawyer, humor, joke, lawyer, marriage, need, next, relationship, trick

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

0

2 months ago

confession, crime, duty, escape, funny situation, got, humor, jury, jury duty, situation, yesterday
Meow means woof in cat.

0

2 months ago

animals, cat, humor, language, means, meow, translation, woof
You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, door, humor, i, introvert, knock, murder, reaction, someone, surprise, think, wanted
The problem is I am always the problem.

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2 months ago

always, am, humor, i, introspection, irony, problem, self-awareness, self-deprecating
My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

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2 months ago

body, body lotion, comedy, favorite, health, humor, joke, lotion, medicine, medicine joke, pain, pain relief, relief, Voltaren
The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

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2 months ago

before, chores, date, humor, parenting, play, play date, pointless, tidy-up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Slack this month:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

21 shares on Telegram this month:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

40 shares on Discord this month:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Dating me is super easy. I text you at 8; you reply at 8:00:01.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Just shared via Messenger:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Just shared via Reddit:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Going viral on Threads:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Meow means woof in cat.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

The problem is I am always the problem.

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨