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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,015

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Making waves on Messenger:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Live now on Discord:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Just shared via Reddit:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Spotted on Slack:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Making waves on Threads:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

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For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.
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Commentary:
"Forget magic wands, this trick could really disappear some assets! 🪄💼💸🤣"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Roses are red. Bumble bees buzz. This rhyme doesn’t rhyme. No, wait, yes it does.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Donuts hug you from the inside.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,912

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Going viral on X:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Spotted on Telegram:

Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

Seen just now on Messenger:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Making waves on X:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Going viral on Twitch:

Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It can’t just be the one guy. It’s gotta be a group of people pooping my son’s diaper.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

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