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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Take a broken girl, fix her. And she will go back to the same guy again.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Making waves on Threads:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Spotted on Discord:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

Trending via Discord:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Trending via Discord:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Breaking via Slack:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Making waves on Reddit:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Seen just now on Slack:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

3 days ago

Clever and humorous quote comparing forgetting your phone to medieval sword loss.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oops! Looks like I've left my trusty sword of connectivity at home today. 🤦‍♂️ Who knew that facing the day without our phones would be as nerve-wracking as facing a dragon without a sword? 🐉⚔️ Stay brave, fellow modern-day knights, and may we all survive this epic quest of forgetfulness!"

equivalent, forget, forgetting, home, humor, leaving, medieval, modern, phone, sword, technology, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

72 shares on X this month:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

88 shares on X this month:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

If I wore a mood ring, it would probably explode immediately.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

22 shares on Threads this month:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,353

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Making waves on Instagram:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Just shared via WeChat:

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Going viral on Messenger:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Shared recently on X:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Broadcasted on X:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Live now on Telegram:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

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