funny medieval quotes - Wordgag

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

May 30, 2026

Never did learn what the knights in white sat in.

May 29, 2026

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

May 29, 2026

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

May 29, 2026

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

May 29, 2026

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

May 29, 2026

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

May 27, 2026

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

May 24, 2026

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

May 24, 2026

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

May 19, 2026