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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,252

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Trending via Telegram:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Just landed via Reddit:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Making waves on WeChat:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Just landed via Reddit:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Funny 50 plus quotes

New funny 50 plus quotes 👇

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

2 months ago

50, 50 plus, age, aging, available, bathroom, being, humor, opportunity, pee, plus, take, thing, whenever, wisdom, wise

All funny 50 plus quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Slack this month:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

49 shares on Discord this month:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Making waves on Pinterest:

God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Making waves on WeChat:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Live now on X:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Just landed via YouTube:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Just landed via Reddit:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

Seen just now on WeChat:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

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Funny 50 plus quotes

New funny 50 plus quotes 👇

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

All funny 50 plus quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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