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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Showing your emotions to the wrong people is like bleeding next to a shark.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Making waves on Facebook:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Just landed via Reddit:

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Shared recently on Threads:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Going viral on Telegram:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Making waves on WeChat:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Just landed via Twitch:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Funny 9 to 5 quotes

Funny 9 to 5 quotes are the perfect way to add some laughter to your workday grind 😄💼 Whether you’re stuck in meetings or battling the never-ending inbox 📧, these witty gems capture every office moment with a smile 😜 From coffee-fueled mornings ☕ to Friday countdowns ⏰, get ready to laugh through the daily hustle and make your 9 to 5 feel a little less serious! 🎉😂

New funny 9 to 5 quotes 👇

All funny 9 to 5 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

89 shares on X this month:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

93 shares on Slack this month:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

28 shares on Discord this month:

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Breaking via YouTube:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Spotted on Facebook:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Please respond to the messages I almost sent you.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Just landed via Messenger:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Just landed via Instagram:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Seen just now on X:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

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