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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log

Someone from has bookmarked:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from has copied:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Someone from has bookmarked:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Someone from has shared:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from has downloaded:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from has copied:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from has copied:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from has copied:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from has shared:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

787 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,949

Funny Quotes Topics

13,921

Funny Quotes Images

10,949

Updated

49 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log

Spotted on Reddit:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Trending via Snapchat:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Spotted on Reddit:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

Trending via Telegram:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Seen just now on Discord:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Making waves on Telegram:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Just landed via Reddit:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Home » Funny Alpha Quotes

Funny Alpha quotes

New funny Alpha quotes

5 days ago
Share →: If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Commentary:
Sounds like a fire-breathing bedtime story is part of the nightly routine!
5 months ago
Share →: Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the ultimate crash course in alpha-ness: mastering the art of assertiveness and dominance with just a few clicks and a sprinkle of buffering Who needs real-life experience when you have YouTube tutorials, right?"