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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Type of hangover that makes you understand why normies spend $25 for a poor soul to bike a bagel to them.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Just landed via Reddit:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Just landed via Threads:

I wish I loved exercising as much as I love not exercising.

Going viral on TikTok:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Making waves on Snapchat:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My recliner and I go way back.

Live now on Discord:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

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Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Twitch this month:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

11 shares on Slack this month:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

12 shares on Threads this month:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Just landed via WeChat:

I was 21 when I was 15, that’s why everything’s boring now.

Going viral on Discord:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Spotted on Threads:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Just shared via Messenger:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Trending via Twitch:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

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