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College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here. - 17 shares on Snapchat this week.
Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow. - 13 shares on WhatsApp this week.
If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge? - 57 shares on WeChat this week.
“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t. - 30 shares on WhatsApp this week.
Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog. - 94 shares on WhatsApp this week.

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Funny quotes » arson

Funny arson quotes

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Posted on2 days ago

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