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6 months ago
Share →: Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

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"Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight… unless you count the early morning regret as a valuable life lesson! 💳🌙💸"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

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People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

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My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

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The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

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I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

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Making waves on Slack:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Going viral on X:

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

Spotted on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Making waves on Reddit:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Just landed via Instagram:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

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Funny bad decisions quotes

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh no, it’s a cop”?

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

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