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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Just landed via Facebook:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Going viral on Discord:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Just landed via Threads:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Making waves on Threads:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

45 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Shared recently on Slack:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Breaking via Twitch:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Just shared via Instagram:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Just landed via YouTube:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Making waves on Facebook:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

Just landed via TikTok:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Making waves on Discord:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

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