Funny body lotion quotes

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I wasn’t planning on moving, but I was just invited to the neighborhood fall potluck, so I guess now I have no choice.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.