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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,575

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The sexiest thing a man can do is have a problem-solving mentality.

Spotted on Messenger:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Seen just now on YouTube:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Making waves on Threads:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Threads this month:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

79 shares on YouTube this month:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

49 shares on X this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Spotted on Telegram:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Broadcasted on Discord:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

Making waves on Discord:

“Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Just landed via Reddit:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Just shared via WeChat:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Just shared via Instagram:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

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