Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,557

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Just landed via Threads:

You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Seen just now on Telegram:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Making waves on X:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Making waves on Facebook:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Live now on Telegram:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Going viral on X:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Funny contract quotes

Funny contract quotes bring a hilarious twist to the serious world of legalese 📜😂. Whether you’re a lawyer, freelancer, or just curious, these witty lines turn boring paperwork into pure entertainment 🎉✍️. Get ready to smile, chuckle, and maybe even rethink signing that fine print with a grin 😄📑!

New funny contract quotes 👇

All funny contract quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

33 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,255

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Maybe women decided to convince men that beards were sexy because they were sick of cleaning the washbasin after he shaved.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Making waves on Messenger:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Just shared via Instagram:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Going viral on TikTok:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Trending via Messenger:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Breaking via Twitch:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Just shared via Discord:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

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