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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Seen just now on Threads:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Trending via Threads:

I disagree with my politics.

Going bananas on Slack:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Just shared via Threads:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Live now on Slack:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Breaking via Facebook:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Live now on Reddit:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Funny contract quotes

Funny contract quotes bring a hilarious twist to the serious world of legalese 📜😂. Whether you’re a lawyer, freelancer, or just curious, these witty lines turn boring paperwork into pure entertainment 🎉✍️. Get ready to smile, chuckle, and maybe even rethink signing that fine print with a grin 😄📑!

New funny contract quotes 👇

All funny contract quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

11 shares on WeChat this month:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

44 shares on Slack this month:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

17 shares on Slack this month:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee is just goth water.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Trending via Messenger:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Making waves on Instagram:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Breaking via WeChat:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Just landed via Threads:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Spotted on TikTok:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Spotted on Snapchat:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Just shared via Discord:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

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