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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Live now on Reddit:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Live now on Snapchat:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

Trending via Reddit:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Funny CV quotes

New funny CV quotes 👇

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

2 weeks ago

9, company, CV, exaggeration, good, humor, job, job search, months, nine, nine months, reading, resume, search, still

All funny CV quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

This email could’ve been sex.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Making waves on TikTok:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

Making waves on Messenger:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Breaking via YouTube:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Going viral on Twitch:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Shared recently on Instagram:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Shared recently on Slack:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny CV quotes

New funny CV quotes 👇

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

All funny CV quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨