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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

760 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,922

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,922

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Just landed via Discord:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Just landed via Threads:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

760 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,922

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,922

Updated

50 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Trending via Slack:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Trending via Instagram:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Live now on Messenger:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Just landed via WeChat:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Going viral on Twitch:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Shared recently on Threads:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

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