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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,549

Funny Quotes Topics

16,781

Funny Quotes Images

14,549

Updated

Nov 27, 2025

Users Online

3,898

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Trending via Reddit:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Live now on Slack:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Marry the man who treats your dumb questions like they’re NASA-level problems.

Spotted on Discord:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Just landed via YouTube:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Trending via Telegram:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Home » Funny Emotionally Distant Quotes

Funny emotionally distant quotes

New funny emotionally distant quotes 👇

All funny emotionally distant quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,549

Funny Quotes Topics

16,781

Funny Quotes Images

14,549

Updated

Nov 27, 2025

Users Online

3,653

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Live now on Messenger:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Just landed via Slack:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Going viral on Telegram:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Spotted on X:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Spotted on X:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Going bananas on Threads:

Living la vida taco!

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