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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Making waves on TikTok:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Making waves on Threads:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Shared recently on Threads:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

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Funny emotionally distant quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

5 hours ago

Users Online

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Seen just now on Threads:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Making waves on Instagram:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Trending via Telegram:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Going viral on Pinterest:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Spotted on Messenger:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Shared recently on Discord:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

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