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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,360

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Going viral on Messenger:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Trending via Facebook:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Just landed via Facebook:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Making waves on Twitch:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Funny home value quotes

New funny home value quotes 👇

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

6 days ago

angry, angry man, estate, happiness, having, home, home value, humor, know, man, positivity, real, real estate, relationship, value

All funny home value quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

39 shares on Slack this month:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Starting a new life today, bye.

61 shares on X this month:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

23 shares on Slack this month:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

86 shares on Threads this month:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Trending via Messenger:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Breaking via Facebook:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Live now on WeChat:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Going viral on Messenger:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny home value quotes

New funny home value quotes 👇

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

All funny home value quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨