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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Spotted on Telegram:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Making waves on Reddit:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Just landed via Discord:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Spotted on WeChat:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Going viral on WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Making waves on TikTok:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Seen just now on Twitch:

These aliens are taking forever.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Reported on Threads:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Seen just now on Threads:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

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