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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

You should be allowed to call out of work if you have a really bad nightmare.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Spotted on Messenger:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Trending via Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Going viral on Facebook:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Breaking via Slack:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Just shared via Twitch:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Going viral on Discord:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The devil couldn’t reach me so he made sure my love life was bullshit.

Funny layoff quotes

Funny layoff quotes 😂💼 turn a tough situation into a moment of laughter and lightness! When jobs say goodbye, these witty lines bring smiles 😄 and remind us that humor is the best comeback. Whether you’re dealing with the unexpected or just need a chuckle, these quotes will brighten your day 🌟 and keep the mood upbeat. Because sometimes, laughter really is the best severance package! 🎉✨

New funny layoff quotes 👇

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

0

2 months ago

5, ago, boss, diarrhea, embarrassment, humor, i, job, laid, layoff, miscommunication, months, prank, telling, texting, workplace
Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

0

2 months ago

donuts, humor, job, just, layoff, snack, tank, think, think tank, thinking, workplace

All funny layoff quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on YouTube this month:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

98 shares on X this month:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Making waves on Facebook:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Going viral on Twitch:

The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.

Live now on YouTube:

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Spotted on Facebook:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Going viral on Instagram:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Just landed via YouTube:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Making waves on Instagram:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Do you all introverts ever open a text and think, ‘I’ll reply when I have the energy,’ and then it’s three weeks, and you have to live with the guilt of being a horrible friend.

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