Commentary:
Dodging small talk with style, one resting face at a time 😂😎🛑
2120 Funny me quotes
“Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.
Commentary:
When your phone has better FOMO than you do! 📱😂🎥
“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.
Commentary:
😂🤔 "My schedule is as open as a book with a plot twist incoming!" 📅📖
No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.
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Unstoppable force of cubicle chaos meets immovable snitch 😂🚫📝
Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a parting lesson with that Red Sea of trouble 😂🙏🏼💡
I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?
Commentary:
When you realize holding onto the corner of a fitted sheet is the most committed relationship you’ve ever been in 😂🛏️
They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a pop star's permission to get a coffee break 😂☕👀
Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.
Commentary:
Just waiting for the elevator to reach the "Next Time, Press the Close Door Button Faster" floor 😂🚪🕴️
My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.
Commentary:
Looks like the bartender's about to get a degree in therapy! 🍸🛋️🤣
First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.
Commentary:
Sounds perfect! Just let me know if you need any extra pillows, blankets, or a coffee-making tutorial ☕🛌😂