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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Can’t wait for when we’re all in our 80’s and still tweeting.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Trending via Messenger:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Just shared via Telegram:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Spotted on Messenger:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

Shared recently on TikTok:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Going bananas on Threads:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Funny metallic quotes

Funny metallic quotes bring a spark ⚡️ of humor to the world of steel, iron, and all things shiny! Whether you’re a metalhead 🤘 or just love clever wordplay, these witty lines will have you cracking up like a rusty hinge 😂. Get ready to shine bright and laugh loud with some seriously clever metallic vibes! ✨🔩 #MetalHumor #ShinyLaughs

New funny metallic quotes 👇

All funny metallic quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

28 shares on WeChat this month:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Seen just now on Discord:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Breaking via WeChat:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Making waves on Telegram:

I need money, not feelings.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

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