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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

If I had money, my life would be pretty much the same, but my dogs would destroy much nicer stuff.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Live now on LinkedIn:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Climbing Mount Everest looks super boring and dumb. You just walk uphill, are cold and at the brink of death. No thanks.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Seen just now on Facebook:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Spotted on Discord:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

62 Funny noise quotes

More funny noise quotes 👇

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

3 months ago

dark, dark humor, funny situation, humor, i, making, mobility, noise, over, people, run, screaming, screaming noise, situation, wheelchair
My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

3 months ago

aging, body, cracks, every, fitness, glow, glow stick, humor, i, light, move, noise, pain, stick, time

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All funny noise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

53 shares on Slack this month:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

40 shares on X this month:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

48 shares on Slack this month:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Trending via Discord:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Just landed via Facebook:

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Trending via TikTok:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Just shared via Snapchat:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Spotted on Reddit:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

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Activity Log ✨

62 Funny noise quotes

More funny noise quotes 👇

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

All funny noise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨