Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Note: Press the button on the elevator as often as possible to activate the secret express function and speed up the thing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

Making waves on Facebook:

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Live now on Instagram:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Making waves on Messenger:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Funny not going quotes

Funny not going quotes are the perfect way to embrace those moments when staying in feels way better than showing up 🙅‍♂️✨ Whether you’re dodging a party or skipping a meeting, these witty lines add humor to your “nope” vibes 😎🎉 Get ready to laugh, relate, and maybe even convince yourself that missing out can be just as fun! 😂🚪📴

New funny not going quotes 👇

All funny not going quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

21 shares on Slack this month:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey boy, are you the sun? Because you were a big part of my life this summer but now I feel like I never see you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I like that linguists chose the term ‘loan words,’ implying that one day we’ll get them back.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,774

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“Each to their own!” Translation: You’re wrong, but never mind.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Just shared via Snapchat:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Going viral on Discord:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Seen just now on Threads:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Seen just now on Threads:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Spotted on Pinterest:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Seen just now on Reddit:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴