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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2393 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,555

Funny Quotes Topics

15,234

Funny Quotes Images

12,555

Updated

55 minutes ago

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Reported on Slack:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Spotted on Telegram:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Just shared via X:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Just shared via Discord:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Home » Funny Nutritionist Quotes

Funny nutritionist quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2393 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,555

Funny Quotes Topics

15,234

Funny Quotes Images

12,555

Updated

55 minutes ago

Users Online

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Seen just now on Discord:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Going viral on Telegram:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Reported on Snapchat:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Just landed via Facebook:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Just shared via WeChat:

Stretching isn’t enough, I need to be able to disassemble my body like legos.

Making waves on Discord:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

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