Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

Trending via Snapchat:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Live now on Pinterest:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Making waves on WeChat:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Making waves on Threads:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Seen just now on Threads:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Spotted on Facebook:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Trending via Snapchat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Funny offline people quotes

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All funny offline people quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on TikTok this month:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

96 shares on Threads this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

85 shares on X this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,364

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Live now on LinkedIn:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Spotted on Twitch:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

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