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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Shared recently on Threads:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Just shared via WeChat:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Trending via WeChat:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Making waves on Threads:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Broadcasted on X:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Funny pay rise quotes

New funny pay rise quotes 👇

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

2 weeks ago

advice, boss, communication, everyone, humor, i, negotiation, next, pay, pay rise, rise, salary, tell, tip, workplace

All funny pay rise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Discord this month:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

90 shares on Slack this month:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

57 shares on Telegram this month:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Just landed via Facebook:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Going viral on Threads:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Just shared via YouTube:

Blink if you want me!

Making waves on Discord:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

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Funny pay rise quotes

New funny pay rise quotes 👇

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

All funny pay rise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨